Cutesy House Rules vs. REAL rules

Things like this are cluttering up my pinterest feed:

source

Aww now isn't that sweet?  I should make one for our house!  Oh wait.  I live in the real world with a bunch of boys and a sweet but mischievous dog.

Here's what I'd have to cut out of vinyl letters with a Cricut and plaster onto some wood for our house:

In this house...

We do not stand right by someone's face and fart.

We do not flap our pants right by someone's face after farting.

We will be in trouble if Mom finds we pooped and didn't flush.

We do not stand and poop on the carpet (DOG!)

We do not write our phone number on our arm with sharpie.

We do not try to ride the dog, no matter how much she enjoys our attempts.

We do not blow the airhorn to wake someone up.

Tell me I'm not the only one with REAL rules in the house..things you never thought you'd have to turn into a rule.  What are some of your zany ones?

--sharing the realness at Serenity Now